


Worried, Restless, and his heart in a flurry

by outerchxrrysoo1a



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M, Mentions of depressing stuff, don’t read if triggers, im sorry idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 23:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13041834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outerchxrrysoo1a/pseuds/outerchxrrysoo1a
Summary: Bambam learns that maybe he shouldn’t listen to what people say on the internet, and [slightly non descriptive] fluff and love from the members ensure.





	Worried, Restless, and his heart in a flurry

Everyone was asleep expect for Kunpimook. He was restless, constant turning and shifting to find a comfortable spot in bed. Nothing. He sighed, maybe because his legs were sore. Maybe because he was so- ...anxious? He had no clue, but what he did know; he wanted to sleep. He glanced at the clock, seeing as it was almost three am, he groaned. They had a free day tomorrow, but the boys planned to go shopping [Bambam's idea, duh, and boy he was excited for it] and to go see this new [and probably dumb] "5-star" horror movie. Sure he could've woken up someone else and asked for their assistance to sleep, but he didn't want to seem like he wanted attention, annoying, or more importantly; acting like a baby. He glanced over at Yugyeom, jealous that he was sound asleep. He was so done, so regaining himself, he decided to not sleep, and take a small nap before they left, and go to bed extra early tomorrow. "Yeah," he agreed aloud, as he stood up, sneakily grabbing his phone and slipping out the room, heading downstairs. He couldn't respond to any of the fans comments on Instagram or Twitter or they'd probably realize that he was awake. They'd worry, they were so kind. Bambam smiled, it warmed his heart how supportive and nice they were. So, why not do the opposite, read some hate comments, and see if I agree? Maybe improve myself [such as dancing, or clothing, etc] or so he thought. It sounded amazing, maybe dumb, but if there was anything he liked to do, he did love to improve anyway he could  [as long as it was good.] He curled up on the couch with a blanket, enjoying the warmth. He decided to go on Instagram, scrolling through his most recent post's comments. After maybe half an hour, he was cold. Even under now two blankets, the house's heater was on and going, he felt so cold. Did everyone think he was so loud, obnoxious, ugly? The others, they were cute? But him? Was he that annoying? He put is phone down, ignoring the few tears going down his cheeks. He decided he'd change, for everyone. [bad idea] he looked at the clock, it was roughly 5:30am and he wasn't tired, still. He felt, overwhelmed? He hated whatever it was, bubbling up inside him, feeling tight in his chest. He couldn't take it, getting of the couch, he went over to the window near the door. He enjoyed the view, it was raining, soft and gentle. It was beautiful, calm, and so picture worthy. A mental image he decided it, stared out the window. The boy studying the window, by some time grabbing a stool from the kitchens bar and a sketch pad and pencil. [his guilty pleasure, drawing] he set up the stool at the angle he sat at, settling down, pencil in hand, sketch pad in lap. He drew for about a half an hour, maybe more. It was such a beautiful picture, held the imagine perfectly. He drew it from a distance, so it wasn't just what he saw, but the window and himself, inside the dorm. He smiled, so proud. He kept drawing, adding changes, copying down some notes, drawing a few random items he was interested in on the next page. By now it was at least 6:30am, he for once, he was glad he wasn't tired, or asleep. The sun peaked through the clouds just ever so slightly making the sky lighter. It seemed like it was going to remain a rainy day, possibly storm later. He hoped, but concluded, indeed it would storm. [he was positive after checking his phone] Bambam got up, bones crackling. Setting down the opened page of his drawing, as well as the pencil, he left it there as he made his way to his room. Yugyeom was still sound asleep, therefore he grabbed his clothes for the day, and making his way to the bathroom. He locked the door, taking a shower. [Not before glancing at himself in the mirror, taking in what the fans said he should change, nodding in agreement.] The warm water trickling down his back, the smell of his shampoo, his clean skin. Refreshing. He loved it. Taking only 15 minutes, he got out the shower. Slipping on black skinny jeans, a plain white tee and [Mark's] flannel. He left it unbuttoned, styling his [currently pink] hair, into the unusual but comfortable little fringe style. He decided to put some makeup, [totally not due the comments he read that night, totally] put on some concealer and [amazingly well done] eyeshadow, and eyeliner. "Tada~ I'm ready before everyone else," he bragged. It was now 7:23am, and he was hungry, and dissing away the feeling of sleep that's trying to drag him down. He went downstairs quietly, loving the little pitter patter of the rain.  He turned at the bottom of the stairs in the direction of the kitchen, shocked when he saw Jaebum standing there, coffee in hand. "Good morning hyung," followed with his soft smile. "Morning bam, you're up, early?" Bambam didn't want to say he didn't sleep, no he just nodded. "'Gyeom's snoring woke me up a bit ago. I just showered, but I did sleep out on the couch for a bit." Jaebum nodded, finishing up his coffee. "I'm going to go get ready, okay?  Make sure you eat something." With that Jaebum took off towards his room.  Bambam reached out to grab an apple off the counter, like he'd normally do. But, this time felt different. All the comments he read flashed in his mind. His eyes dwelled with tears, and he put down the apple, disgusted at himself. Bambam rushed out the kitchen, bumping into Jackson. The elder was startled, but wrapped his arms around the younger. "Good morning bam," The younger kept his head down, shoving his face into the mans' bare chest, he didn't want to seem weak, just pretending to be sleepy, [not trying to cry] mumbling "Good mornin' Jackson hyung," Jackson nodded in approval, letting the boy go, adventuring into the kitchen. Meanwhile, Bambam booked it to his room, rushing in. Yugyeom was half naked, only dressed in his skinny jeans. Bambam wasn't expecting him to be awake, being startled by Yugyeom speaking, "You okay? Oh goodness, Bambam, what's wrong?" Bambam was crying, and that's all it took for the youngest to rush towards his best friend. Bambam stared up at the maknae, confused, and surprised. Yugyeom stared at the boy, he looked so hurt. He noticed the boy also had make up on, so he grabbed a tissue and gently dabbed at the boys cheeks and eyes. He didn't mess up his eyeliner or eyeshadow, throwing away the tissue, to him, Bambam's definition of time seemed to halt. He was frozen, so Yugyeom lifted him up [bridal] and sat down on the bed, the boy in his arms. He knew, hell they all knew their second youngest was a sucker for nicknames. With a gentle smirk plastered on his face, "Baby, tell me what's going on? Please, sweetheart?" [so kind yet so daringly spoken] He felt Bambam shudder in his lap, even with such a gentle tone, it was spoken with such love, Yugyeom loved to spoil his hyung and that's how he did so. N-nothing, I just, m-miss home. My—" Bambam kept talking, but he couldn't understand the rest, the boy unknowingly switched to Thai. But he understood why he was upset, everyone went to their homes for certain events, and they got to see their family. But him, lately, was missing out on that chance. Hell they spent more time in Thailand than most other places. But little did Yugyeom know, no that wasn't why. Bambam faked it. Only he himself knew, so he pulled himself off Yugyeom, "I'm going to lay down, okay, I'll be fine 'gyeomie." He decided to pull a trick card, no matter who it was, but cute whining always worked. "But don't forget, Yugyeomie, I wanna gooo shooopping! So make sure you wake me up! Okay? Before we leave, you better not forget me!" He ended it with a pout, leaving Yugyeom chuckling, but none the less nodding his head. "Just get some sleep, silly." Bambam nodded, crawling into his bed, as Yugyeom left turning of the light and shutting the door behind him. Bambam curled up in a ball, letting his true tears slip. His chest felt tight, and his breathing became uneven. It was uncomfortable, but he knew he had to calm down. Taking in many deep breaths, he fell asleep instantly from being exhausted. Yugyeom decided while Bambam was sleeping, to go tell the others about how he acted. The youngest knew it was different than normal, and he knew Bambam like the back of his hand. Yugyeom saw Jinyoung, Mark, and Jackson on the couch. "Hyungs," he spoke to gain their attention, which it worked. He hopped over the back of the couch, landing on an empty spot. "Yugyeom, stop doing that," he only nodded, "I'm worried, hyungs, Bambam doesn't seem, okay? He ran into our room, all frantic, only to say he was homesick? I just, it seems, um, it doesn't add up? If you saw how he was acting, then he began whining, how he does when he really wants something. But it wasn't like 'when he does, normally' Just, keep an eye out on him? I'm real worried." They all stared at him, until Jackson spoke up, "He ran out the kitchen too, ran right into me. I just hugged him and said good morning. But he wouldn't look at me? I'm a bit concerned too, Yugyeom has a good point. We can just tell Jaebum hyung and Youngjae to look out for him, while we're out today. Besides, we'd have to, he'll take off on his own, going into whatever store and he gets lost easily, due to getting carried away," Jackson chuckled, thinking of when the boy got lost the last time they all went out shopping.

  A rough hour later, all the boys were almost ready and they sent Mark upstairs to go wake up Bambam. Mark was gentle about it, sitting down on the edge of the bed, rubbing the boys back. "Bambam, time to wake up, we're going shopping soon," The younger stirred, rolling over only to cuddle into Mark, still sound asleep. Mark chuckled, the Thai native reminding him of a puppy, clinging to their owner. It was cute, so he secretly took a few photos and put away his phone, and picked him up. Mark took him into the bathroom, as the boy continued to sleep to touch up his clearly messed up makeup. By the time Mark finished, Bambam didn't stir at all, Mark guessed he fell into a deep sleep, instead of taking a nap. The boy was pretty much dead to the world in a deep sleep. He picked the boy up, putting the others arms around his own neck, and his thighs around his own waist. He walked out the bathroom, the boy beginning to cling onto Mark as he made his way down the stairs. Jackson was waiting for him, with Bambam's phone in his left hand as his right began opening the door. Mark made his way out the food, "Thanks," he said as he passed Jackson. Jackson followed by shutting the door behind the two, chuckling to himself as he watched the two walk. The rain was only a drizzle now and it wasn't supposed to pick up again until the evening, for the supposed storm. Mark slipped into the car, as the other already were. He buckled into the back where they had three seats, just decided to keep Bambam in his lap, the boy seemed comfortable, so why not? Jackson sat in the back as well, next to Mark, but a seat over on the far side due to if Bambam woke up and wanted go sit in his own spot. Jaebum was driving, Jinyoung with him in the passenger seat. Yugyeom and Youngjae sat in the middle and the back was the amerithaikong trio. Halfway through the ride, Jackson started messing with the still sound asleep Bambam. He'd poke or tickle the boy, or doing something dumb like trying to balance his phone on him where he could. The actions made Mark smile, but sigh as well, but typical silly Jackson, and as a good thing too, but the actions eventually woke up the Thai boy. Bambam looked around, confused, but rolled around burying his face into Mark's neck unknowingly, falling right back asleep. Jackson pouted over the fact the boy did so and decided to take photos of the two, Mark only shaking his head towards the action.

They finally arrived at the mall, Mark waking up Bambam, who apologized for sleeping on him, but his apologetic self faded as they entered the mall. They decided not to go see the movie, as they’d rather shop. Bambam began to walk ahead, also leaving the group until his wrist was grabbed and pulled back by Youngjae, giving a small smile. Bambam realized he was talking non-sense, whatever came to his mind, 'when will he ever shut up? All he ever does is talk. He's loud and way annoying.' The clearest comment he remembered, played over and over in his mind like a broken record. Once Youngjae let go, he grew silent and stayed in the very back of all the others. They passed a pretzel stand, which made Bambam want one, 'he's so fat, can't he loose weight to be slim like the others? Damn, how much does he eat?' Another comment, made him erase all thoughts of eating.

This continued on for weeks. Bambam living by hate comments to 'improve' himself. He lost way to much weight, looked paler and his depression grew. He didn't know, he thought it was growth. At one fateful dinner, he ate everything he had on his plate. It was a few minutes later after everyone was dismissed, he had to book it to the toilet. Now, he couldn't even eat, he'd throw it all up.

One night, Bambam broke. He had a million thoughts rummaging through his mind. He couldn't breathe, it felt like he was choking. He grew fearful, panic rising in his chest. He looked at Yugyeom next to him, sound asleep. He couldn't wake him up. He needed water. Making his way downstairs and to the kitchen, it was so hard. By now he was shaking like a leaf. He couldn't breathe at all, and felt so dizzy. Still, he tried getting water. Grabbing a glass cup, he filled it up with water from the faucet. In the attempt to bring it to his lips, he dropped it. It shattered as it hit the floor, the boy instantly rushing to clean it up. His shakiness didn't help, only causing his hands to gain tiny cuts from the glass. He slid to the ground and curled up, shaking so hard, crying, and wheezing. He heard loud footsteps, and multiple following. "–Bambam!" The said boys head shot up, staring directly at Yugyeom. Yugyeom studied the boy, and panic rose as he realized what was happening. "You're having a panic attack, okay? I need you to listen to me, I'm going to hold your hand, and we're going to breathe together, okay?" He nodded, staring with his shaky, tear filled eyes. Yugyeom grabbed his hand, gently holding it within his own. "Bam, you have to listen the most now, while I count to four, you're going to breathe in, and when I say let go, breathe out slowly," He nodded, clenching onto Yugyeom's hand. "One, two,... three, four..." Yugyeom watched Bambam's chest slowly rise, "let go," and fall. After a few tries, he got Bambam's breathing under control. But Bambam was tired, he could tell, so he pat the boys head, pulling him into his own lap. Bambam fell asleep almost instantly. "Hyungs..what now?" Yugyeom spoke, looking up as everyone was there watching. "We have to talk to him when he wakes up, Yugyeom."

Now, it was morning and all but the two maknaes were in the living room, spread out. Meanwhile, Yugyeom was awake, but not sure of how to approach Bambam about last night, still he quickly picked the boy up and carried him downstairs, to the living room. [Bambam was still asleep] The others looked shocked, to see Yugyeom, but knowingly understood. "Yugyeom ah, give him here, and go get his blanket, please." Mark had asked nicely, but really it was more of a demand. But the boy did just that, and now they were here, Bambam all wrapped up in his favorite blanket his mom had made for him, the boy sitting in Marks lap, still asleep. Jaebum sat next to Mark beginning to rub Bam's back until the younger woke up. "H-huh?..." 

 

Mark was gentle when talking, a soft tone, "Bam, we gotta talk. Last night, you had a panic attack. You understand that, right?" Bambam only slightly nodded, "What caused it? Bam, please, tell us," Bambam shook his head, shrugging "Not sure, don't know," he mumbled. See, Bambam did know, and that's what the others knew. Bam was now almost back asleep, until he heard Jinyoung call him "Kunpimook Bhuwakul, you need to tell us," To which, he eyes shot open, and the said boy began to cry, heavy tears. The firm voice set him off, he wasn’t even sure why. "I'm s-sorry! I'm loud, obnoxious, and I never s-shut.. up, I...  
I'm sorry, I just can't be like the rest of you, I...j-just," 

"Bam, what are you talking about?" Jaebum questioned, "We don't care, it's what we love you for. Where'd you get those silly ideas from?" He looked down, still crying hard, fiddling with his hands, "the fa-fans, they day we sh-shopping, I actually didn't sleep," he looked up cautiously, getting nods from the others to continue. "And I read some comments, and th-they just stuck to me. I thought.... that t-this was just improvement." He sobbed out, gripping onto Mark like the elder was his life support. No one really knew what to say but thank god they had Jinyoung. "What exactly do you mean by improvement? Bam, what did the comments influence you to do?" The Thai boy just shook his head, "N-nothing hyung," Jinyoung approached Bambam, and ushered Jaebum to move, laying the boy out on the couch. He instantly curled up. Jinyoung and Jaebum made eye contact, "Bam, please." He shook his head. Everyone's heart was breaking, their favorite boy falling apart on their very couch. Youngjae had learned Bambam's favorite song; in Thai. Just for him. Youngjae went over to him, settling down on the couch, putting Bambam's head in his lap, gently singing the song. Bambam calmed down to the angelic voice and the fingers running through his hair. Jackson hadn't dare talked, as well as Yugyeom, due to their amount of anger at the fans. Their eyes were filled with sheer anger, and mark was too. Mark was being as calm as he could, trying to put Bambam first. Jinyoung was beginning to stress and Jaebum was already stressing, since the night before. It was all silent, except for the gentle voice that belonged to Youngjae. "H-hyungs.... I'm scared,"

    Bambam didn't want to tell his hyungs and Yugyeom what he was doing, because he didn't know himself. He had a small clue and no idea how to explain himself. "Well, let's eat breakfast. I'll make some pancakes," Jinyoung didn't really wait for a response, going to the kitchen and indulging himself in making pancakes. 

A rough twenty boys minutes later, Jinyoung called all the boys to come eat, which they did. However, Bambam knew he couldn't and shouldn't. But he did. To make the others, maybe himself happy, the boy ate every bite of his pancake breakfast. Of course, they all stared at him when he stood up suddenly, booking it to the bathroom. Jaebum and Jackson were the fastest to follow, watching as the younger emptied his stomach into the toilet, as the younger was sprawled out on the bathroom floor. Bambam felt so sick, his head was spinning and his dry heaving concerned Jackson and Jaebum. "Oh god, Bambam!" Jackson connected two and two, realizing how bad of a situation Bambam was in. Jaebum took in how bad he really looked, and man had he fucked up. Big time. How could he not notice the boys sickly appearance? Maybe how he grew tinier, skinner? But that was the least of his worries. Jinyoung by now had brought a bottle of water, and mark was taking the younger out the bathroom and into his room. 

While Mark and Bambam cuddled up on Mark's bed, the rest of the members sat in the living room. 

Bambam was crying his heart out and it just hurt so bad to witness. But Mark knew. He knew now was the time to turn it all around. "You know, it's okay, Bam." Bambam looked up slowly, very confused. "Sorry, I should explain, shouldn't I?" Followed up with Mark's chuckle and Bambam's nod. "It's okay, if you wanted to loose weight, but it's not alright with how you handled it. I guess, you weren't exposed to healthy ways, so you did what you thought would be fastest, yes?" Only a small nod given, and Mark continued. "Can I see? Under your shirt, I just want to help." Gently, Bambam tore himself away from Mark, holding the edges of his shirt, nervously and slowly pulling his shirt off. Mark was in shock. The boy was too tiny. His ribs, were way to visible and his tummy, was so, so thin and Mark just wanted to cry. Mark brought Bam into a large hug, showering in soft, gentle kisses all around his face. "Let us make it all better, okay? I promise, we'll help you, but also make sure you're happy with it."

   "Promise?" Was all the Thai boy could say, quite shakily. 

   "Promise," and a pinkie promise was made, and Mark kept it. 

 

   It was a rough six months, it took a lot of time, but Bambam was now getting better and healthier, even if it was at a slow pace. Everyone did not go without showering Kunpimook in Love daily, and after they slowly got his appetite back on track, he could eat an entire meal, depending on the food. They went through a tough time doing so, Bambam struggled, remained very strong, and pushed through when he was worried, restless, and when his heart was in a flurry.


End file.
